Christine's Friday Report #7

I weigh 324 pounds, and am a size 26/28.

My weekly weight loss is 2.5 pounds.
My total weight loss is 32.5 pounds.

This update is really for the past two weeks because I was not home to weigh and post on the Friday after Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving week went well. I exercised 5 times that week including weights. I was not as strict as I had been on my eating though.

This week has been a hard week for me. I just have not been feeling it at all. I have not worked out once. I have been in a funk. I don't really want to do anything, or see anyone. I just kinda want to stay in my little shell. I think this is because life has been so hectic the last two weeks. I have not really had any down time, and I have not been home, so my house was a wreck too. Anyway, I have been taking a little break, and trying to get my life back in order. I got the house all cleaned up, the laundry done and the fall decorations all put up.

I also started to put up some Christmas decorations. I still need to put up the tree and get out the nativity and the winter dishes, then I will be done.

Next week is another week and I will start training again and working out on my own. I just needed a break, but I am ready to go again. I choose to LIVE. I really do!

Inspirational Story

Below is a link to a very inspiring story. I love to hear that people have lost weight, especially when it is so much, and they did not have surgery. They just worked hard and exercised self control. There are so many things I can relate to in her story.

Anyway, read it and enjoy!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/diet.fitness/11/21/weightloss.karen.daniel/index.html

p.s. Thanks to Lehi for finding it and sending it to me.

Christine's Friday Report #6

I weigh 326.5 pounds, and am a size 26/28.

My weekly weight loss is 8.5 pounds.
My total weight loss is 30 pounds.

Wahoo! 30 pounds! I have only 5.5 pounds until I get to my 10% goal. My next goal after that will be 300 pounds.

I started running on the elliptical this week. This may be why the big jump start in weight loss. I was down in Pearland to help my mom and I went with Michelle to her gym for two days. We ran on the elliptical. It was fun to work out with her. If I had not, I would probably still be walking on the treadmill. So, Thanks Michelle! You are a great work out partner!

I'm looking forward to this next week, Thanksgiving! I am going to stay on plan. The good news is that there are some people that are trying to be healthy, so there will be healthy options around and it won't be hard to exercise.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Christine's Friday Report #5

I weigh 335 pounds, and am a size 26/28/30.

My weekly weight loss is -1 pound.
My total weight loss is 21.5 pounds.

Not sure what happened here. Yesterday I weighed 332.5 and was excited for the Friday report. Then I gained. Oh well, maybe next week...

I'm cranky today because I don't feel well. I did my training today, and my treadmill. If there was ever a day I didn't want to do the treadmill and train, this was it. I'd rather be in my bed. I kept yawning through my whole work out.

I'm not quitting or getting too discouraged. I still choose to LIVE!

I'm very proud of you!

I have heard numerous reports that this blog has inspired others to do better, be it exercising, eating better, etc.

I am so proud of you! It's a hard decision that you have to make over and over to do better, So for that I applaud you! Every little decision, and effort counts!

I wish you much success in your journey, and would love to hear all about them! It helps me in my journey to LIVE too. Here is to you and me LIVING!

Why Wednesdays?

What is it with Wednesday?

I am so tired on Wednesdays. It is also my hardest work out day. We did legs again today. ouch! At one point during my lunges, I thought I might puke! That's what Jessica gets for making me work so hard!

Jessica is my new trainer. She is a little cute petite 22 year old. I like her and hate her in a good way! She still kicks my bootie.

Anyway, when it came time to get on the treadmill, I had to go a little slower today. I kept trying to up the speed, but then I'd start to feel sick from over exertion. So I only ever made it up to 2.9 miles and hour. I did walk for 45 minutes still though.

I am starting to feel better, now that my work out is over and I have cooled off. I had my ever so tasty protein shake, chocolate and banana, mmmm!

Only two more days in the gym this week. Yea! Saturday I will be going to Dad's ranch again. I will walk to the gate again weather permitting. It has been so rainy lately.

Also, two more days till the Friday update! It's hard to believe that it has only been a month since I have been doing this. It seems like so much longer. But Friday will be exactly one month. Around the 1st of the month I will start posting my measurements...eek! I will measure myself once a month and report.

I go now! Have a happy "hump day"! I know that I will since the hard part of my day is over...yippee!

I Touched the Front Gate!

The driveway at my Dad's ranch is a mile long. I had never walked all the way from the house to the front gate because I was too intimidated by the walk. It is hilly, and I never thought I could do it without passing out. One time I walked almost half way but turned around because I didn't want to go up the big hill.

Saturday, I took the kids out to Dad's ranch for the day. While I was there I decided to walk all the way to the front gate (two miles round trip). I did it! I walked at a decent steady pace and only got winded on the big hill. Thanks to Emily, Sarra, and Michelle for going with me.

I realise that for some, that walk would be a piece of cake. For me, that was a big accomplishment. It makes me want to make that walk many more times, at least once a day that I am out there. Who knows, maybe I can even work up to jogging it one day.

Living on a Budget

Part of my quest to LIVE is to be balanced and in control of all areas of my life, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc. I have been way out of control financially. Lehi makes a good amount of money, but somehow I have managed to spend quite a bit more than he makes, hence the large sum of debt we currently have.

My Sister Patrice suggested that I go strictly to cash, so when the money is gone, there is no more spending. Period! No more debit or credit cards. I decided to try that for the month of October. It worked! So I am going to continue to work on a cash basis at least until our debt is gone.

I took my monthly budget and divided it by the weeks, so I get a weekly allowance. This way I don't blow all the money in the first or second week of the month. I am liking that.

So this week, the weekly budget was quite a bit less because I decided to get the kids yearbooks, and we went out to eat last Friday. So today, I headed to the store with my list and my allotted amount of money. At the register I made two piles one of needs and the other of wants. At the end of the need pile, I was already suddenly over my allotted total. I had to take about 8 things off and was not even able to get any of the wants. As I left I thought, wow, that was kinda embarrassing, but then I felt really good that I had paid with my cash and stayed in the budget, financially under control.

If any of you are struggling with your finances, or staying on the budget, I highly recommend going to all cash, no cards. It's a little more work to go to the bank every week and get my money out, but I never go over my allotted amount anymore. And with a bit of work, I will eventually be out of my consumer debt.

Request for Music

Well, It didn't take me long to get sick of my play list, so I am requesting ideas for new songs. What are your top 10 favorite workout songs (please include title and artist). Thanks!

Christine's Friday Report #4

I weigh 334 pounds, and am a size 26/28/30.

My weekly weight loss is 1.5 pounds.
My total weight loss is 22.5 pounds.

I have lost all the weight that I had gained since July. My next weight loss goal is my 10% weight loss. Since I started this at 356.5 pounds that means the weight loss goal is 35.5 pounds. So, I have 13 pounds to go toward my 10% goal. Yeah!

Today is Friday. I am feeling good about life. Even though this week is only 1.5 pound loss, that is a real normal amount. Besides, I just started resistance training, and I'm hoping that I am still losing inches, since the weight numbers are not big.

Yummy Meal!

I tweaked one of my favorite things and made it a little more healthy. I love homemade chili. I used to have it with cheese, sour cream and Frito's. And of course I would have more than the one cup serving size. So I decided to try something new.

I got about 3 cups of salad and dumped my cup of chili on top, no salad dressing, no sour cream, cheese or chips. I like the garden romaine bag salad, it's very crisp and crunchy. It was very tasty to me. And it helps to get in your veggies. I like the cripsyness of the salad with the chili, no need for chips.

I know it's not a new invention, because it is kinda like taco salad, but it is a lot more healthy this way than with all those other add ons. Anyway, if you're interested, you should try it.

btw- I have my weekly weigh in/report tomorrow. It will be interesting to see how things end up. I have had an up and down week, as far as weight. I can only credit that to the added resistance training, because nothing else has really changed. Muscle weighs more than fat, right?

So Tired!

For some reason I am so tired today. I had to lay back down after I got the kids off. In training today, we worked on legs...enough said there. Leg workouts stink for me. They are so hard. Maybe it's because of the lunges and squats. I am terrible at those, and I have bad knees. Anyway when my training was over I still had to to cardio. I had to start slower than normal, and for the first time since I started, I seriously considered turning off the machine and going home early. But alas, I did not! I got in my 45 minutes. YEA!!!

Now that it is all over, I am feeling good about my workout, but for whatever reason it was very difficult today. It makes me happy that I complete my workouts even when it is hard.

This is a life change for me, not just a diet. I really want to be more healthy for the rest of my life. I want to enjoy life and not have back and knee pain from being overweight. I want to LIVE!

I remember that in the two years before I got married, especially the last year, I was a lot more active. I really enjoyed it. I think I was in a good place then, physically and emotionally. Being active always makes me feel better. I have noticed a change in my attitude since I started working out. I feel better about myself and about life in general.

Loving the Workouts

I did not binge! I didn't even have any treats. I was so good. The cravings eventually went away.

I went to the gym this morning. I walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes. I have training appointments on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday of this week. My legs are starting to recover, just in time to work them again on Wednesday.

It felt good to be on the treadmill again today. I almost feel that I miss the workout on the weekend. Obviously not enough to go in on Saturday and Sunday though, right?

I am noticing that my clothes are fitting me better, not so pasted on after losing 20 pounds. It's nice. I'm looking forward to further weight loss.

Another Product Endorsement

Yoplait light fat free Pineapple Upside-Down Cake yogurt!

Ever so Tasty, You simply must try it! How do they make yogurt taste like the cake? I don't know, I do know that I like both!

Halloween Brilliance

I had a revelation that I forgot to tell you about. We went to the trunk or treat Thursday night, where the kids got candy. Then we took the kids trick or treating, where they got a pumpkin full of candy. That night was really hard too, I wanted to eat candy, so after I let them have what they wanted Friday night, as they were going to bed, I asked them if they would trade me all their candy for a toy. I had bought a couple cheap toys earlier as rewards they could earn. Jacob without even thinking about it said yes! Emma had to see the toys first, then she traded me too, so Lehi took all their candy, and will take it to work, and they each got a toy. Now I don't have candy around to tempt me! I think I will try it again next year.

Help Me, I'm Falling!

This weekend has been really hard. I have wanted to eat junk food. And today, for whatever reason, I really want to just binge, nice warm cookies, cookie dough, brownies, anything. I have just eaten my healthy lunch. My stomach feels satisfied, yet for what ever reason, I have this emotional need. I don't even know why. I think I will go lie down and stay out of the kitchen.

I feel frustrated, because I feel the need to eat junk. Some people say, Oh, just go ahead and have one thing. It will kill the craving. Unfortunately, I think if I were to start, even with just one, I would not stop.

Anyway, I just thought I would come and write these feelings. I go now.

Christine's Friday Report #3

I weigh 335.5 pounds, and am a size 28/30.

My weekly loss is 6.5 pounds.
My total loss is 21 pounds.

Yeah! This means I am now 1 pound less than my July weight.

Today is Halloween. Happy Halloween! We had the church Trunk or Treat last night. I thought I would be so smart and offset all the candy that everyone was handing out by handing out Halloween pretzel bags. (I know, why not hand out a box of raisins. I'm a dork!) This way I would not be tempted to eat the candy. I forgot that my kids would be getting buckets of candy themselves. It was a little hard for me last night when I saw the mini Twix, Heath bar, and Milkyway. I just had to walk away and hope that my kids would eat those things first. I can do without the fruity sugary stuff, but chocolate and caramel!? That is temptation to me! One thing that really helped me last night was knowing that I had my public weigh in this morning. So thanks for holding me accountable!

Today is my last work out for this week. Wahoo! I got my 5 stickers! And this is the last day of the Month. I am still comitted to LIVING. Maybe more so after seeing a 21 pound drop in basically three weeks. I know the rate will slow down as the weight drops, and that's okay. Besides being sore now, I have more energy and am not as tired through out the day, even though I am still ready for bed at 9pm. (I know, sad, hu? It's my meds.) Anyway, I hope that you all have a Happy and Safe Halloween! Eat some chocolate for me!

Good Feelings Gone!

Holy Freakin' Moly! Whatever good feelings I might have had about Ken are now gone! I honestly hadn't realized how weak I had become. I went in, fully expecting the work out to be hard, but I did not expect what I got. Maybe Ken thought that if he killed me on our first work out together, he wouldn't have to train me again. Well, Sorry, No such luck!

We worked on legs. There is not really much to say except that I am weak, but I did all that was asked of me, even if my muscles locked up and I had to crawl out of the gym using only my arms. Just kidding about the crawling!

I did manage to get on the treadmill after the workout, though I started at a slower pace, but I got my 45 minutes in. Yay me!

I will be meeting with my mortal enemy Ken again tomorrow and we will take all my measurements and body fat percentage, etc., as if today was was not bad enough. I gotta start somewhere, right? I just wish that I had taken my measurements two weeks ago when I first got started. Also we have another workout punishment session scheduled tomorrow.

Good times! I really am excited about training again, even though it is really hard, it will hopefully just up my progress. I will be training with a trainer three times a week. And I will continue working out on my own the other two days, still totalling five days a week.

So Blessed

I have been blog hopping lately and listening to stories of the tragedies and trials others are going through. I can't help but feel that I have really got it good! Sure I battle being severely overweight, and am bi-polar, but today these trials seem like cake compared with those that daily battle for their very life, or those who have lost children or other family members due to illness or accidents.

I saw a quote that said, "God doesn't give us what we can handle, He helps us handle what we are given".

Today, I feel that my bi-polar is under control. It is not running my life. I feel normal (whatever that is , right?) Though I can remember there was a time that there was nothing else, but a life of depression and confusion and craziness. Sadly it was the worst while my children were very little, so I don't remember much of their being babies or toddlers. But like the line on Steel Magnolias says, "There are still good times to be had". I feel like I have been experiencing those good times. I know I have it good! Besides, since my kids were so little, they don't remember their mom being emotionally checked out.

I am particularly thankful to Allie who practically raised my kids during those times and to Lehi who stood by my side, and supported me and loved me, even though it was very difficult for him; And for Patrice and Amy who constantly checked on me. Thank you all! I love you!

Alright enough blubbering, I know you are all waiting with great anticipation for the Friday report tomorrow. I know I am! Check back tomorrow for that! Wahoo!

Do you remember..

Do you remember the Snoopy Snow-Cone Machine? I think Patrice got one once, for her birthday or something. I thought it was so cool. Anyway, I was looking through the Current catalog and they have it in there. You too can have one for only $19.99 plus shipping.

Seeing that made me think about other things from back then and reminded me of a certain Mickey Mouse Water Pic.

Patrice and I rode our bikes to Eckard Drugs. She was about 8 years old, I was 5. We saw this Mickey Mouse Water Pic that we just had to have. We of course did not have enough money for the thing, so we came up with what we thought was a brilliant plan. We left Eckard's and went next door to Safeway, and got an empty shopping bag. In those days the bags were paper. So we took our empty bag back into Eckard's and wandered around for a while, then when we thought no one was looking, we put the Mickey Mouse Water Pic into the bag and then headed out the door. The Manager came out and asked what we had in the bag, we of course lied. Next he took us back into the store and called our mom. Now our Mom, being the very wise parent that she was, called the Friendswood Police Dept. and had them take us in to the station show us the jail and talk to us about what we had done. I really thought we were going to jail, and what scared me more was having to face me dad. That was worse than jail. Anyway, about an hour later my mom came on down to the station and picked up us. I don't remember what happened after that but "going to jail" really made an impression on my young little mind. I am pleased to report that I have only stolen one other thing since that time, but that is another story for another day, or maybe not...akward!

I digress...

I remember also when Patrice and I were in highschool, and we were exercise freaks. We would get up early before seminary and do the Jane Fonda Aerobics workout tape, then we would go to school and do colorguard and drill team, then we would go for a totally long walk after school and usually do another aerobics tape before bed. How in the world doing all that could I still never get any lower than 190 pounds? Hummmm... It's a Mystery!

How would it be to be 190 pounds today? I know that for many of you that is a scary thought to every be "that big", but for me, considering where I have been, that would be awesome!

Anyway, Here's to another day, another work out! I have continued to go to the gym and work out for my 45 minutes. Tomorrow is my first training with Ken...eek! I'm such a dork! I know! My calendar is getting filled with hearts and I am choosing to Live!

My Resistance to Resistance Training

What was I thinking!? I just got home from the gym. I started resistance training today in addition to my cardio workout. I started with working on my legs today. Now my legs are mush.

I almost didn't even start today because it had been so long since I had done resistance training and never at this new gym. I was feeling a little bit intimidated. Obviously I chose to do it anyway. good times...

I talked to the head trainer about prices for getting a trainer. His name is Ken and he looks like a Ken doll except he is more bulky. Anyway, you know how they offer you a free training session when you first join the gym? I was such a flake and feeling intimidated that I actually cancelled on him 5 times, he was making fun of me...we had a good laugh. So Ken gave me the pricing and I am checking into things to see what I can afford. I am scheduled to train with him for that free session this Thursday. I'm still feeling awkward about training with him, because I am so out of shape, and not looking forward to the pain they inflict upon you, but I have to start somewhere. I think I will have better results training with a trainer.

Product Endorsement

Yes, I would like to recommend Swiss Miss Diet Hot Chocolate. It's a tasty little treat and it's only 25 calories! I'm not usually one for "diet" items. I don't like the taste of the artificial sweetener, but I like this hot chocolate. Go try it!

Christine's Friday Report #2

I weigh 342 pounds and am a size 28/30.

My weekly loss is 6.5 pounds.
My total loss is 14.5 pounds.

My starting weight on my home scale last Wednesday was 356.5 pounds.

I just finished my last workout for the week! Wahoo! Next week I will start doing resistance training as well as cardio workouts on the treadmill.

I have noticed a change in my posture when I am walking. I have tried to work on that while I walk on the treadmill (having a tight core). It seems to be helping.

It's a beautiful crisp fall day. I've got a hot date tonight. And now I am off to see the wizard, Mary Kay, to play.

Ten Years Later...

I have finally finished my declutteration project. It took me a while, but it's finally done now! My downstairs is all clean and all horizontal surface are cleaned off. It was really bad, especially that junk counter in my kitchen. Why is it that there is usually at least one area in one's home that is the dumping ground, the magnet for clutter? I am going to work on keeping that counter cleaned off.

I am also pleased to report that even though the past three days have been hard for me, I have gone to the gym and done my regular workout, the treadmill. When I get home from the gym I put a little heart sticker on my fridge calendar to mark that I worked out that day. It's fun and rewarding to see so many hearts on my calendar. I can't wait to have a whole month filled. That will have to be next month though, since I only started working out halfway through this month.

5 things I learned from Jillian Michals

1.) DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR SELF-PRESERVATION.I told Jillian that some of my habits--flushing rice down the toilet so I won't eat it, bringing my own high-fiber bread to brunch--stirred some controversy on the blog. "Why?" she asked. "Why should we apologize for the practices that help us manage the symptoms while we deal with the real reasons we eat? I pour candle wax on my food at restaurants," Jillian admitted. "Not wanting to 'waste food' is a poor excuse for ending up far worse off later on, dealing with all the health problems that come with obesity." (Here are a few restaurant do's and dont's to help you maintain your healthy eating goals while dining out.)
2.) RUN.I asked Jillian if running really is the best form of cardio for weight loss. "Absolutely," she said. "There are lots of great ways to get your heart rate up, but if you want to see the pounds melt off, running is the fastest way. But I get that not everyone is built for it--knee problems, tight IT bands, heel spurs; I get it." Whatever you do, she said, "Don't forget the weights! The more muscle you build, the faster your metabolism will run."(What's better running outdoors or on a treadmill?)
3.) THE BIGGEST LOSER IS NOT REALITY."You don't watch the Olympics and think, Hmm, I should swim for 6 hours a day like Michael Phelps, do you? But you might think about joining a pool and swimming a few times a week," she said. That's what Jillian wants people watching TBL to think, too: "If these people can lose ten pounds in two weeks, maybe I can lose ten pounds in a couple of months." She adds: "I want people to realize their own potential; I meet people all the time who never thought of themselves as athletic, but now? They truly are athletes."
4.) FORGET WILLPOWER."Losing weight is not about willpower--it's about moments of bravado, like the moment when you ask your waiter to take the bread away from the table right away."
5.) JUST SAY THANK YOU.When I told Jillian how much weight I've lost, she congratulated me. And then (as I always do), I added, "But I still have a long way to go." "Stop," she said. "What does that do," she said, "apart from negate everything you've already accomplished? You're being self-deprecating and disempowering, and that doesn't serve anyone-and especially not you. Be proud of what you've done for yourself."
Got it, Jillian. Thank you! :- )
What do you guys think--is weight loss about willpower? I happen to agree with Jillian and think it's NOT. It's not about gritting your teeth and finding the strength "deep within you"--I think that's B.S. and will leave many people feeling really bad that they can't find it. They key, I think, is to set up your environment and make decisions so that you can succeed even when willpower is nowhere to be found.by Margarita Bertsos

I thought this was a great little list from an article found online. Especially the part about willpower. It really is about little moments and choices that all add up. I also really liked the part about just saying thank you. I have tried to learn this about compliments others give me too. For whatever reason, I used to not be able to accept others complements, maybe it's because I felt this or that was not as perfect as I would have liked it to be. Being gracious is classy in my eyes.
Anyway, enjoy!

Declutteration

Today I choose to LIVE by removing the clutter from my living space. I always feel so happy when the counter tops are all free from clutter. It makes the space seem bigger and not like the world is closing in on me.

I have already totally cleaned off my computer desk. Now there is nothing on it but the computer. I dusted it all off and everything. Next I will move to the kitchen and then to my bedroom and bathroom.

As a side note, I didn't want to go to the gym today because I started my period and I would rather have been in my bed, but I went anyway, and it wasn't bad. It actually seemed to go by faster this morning than other mornings. How lucky is that!?

Anyway, It's a beautiful day outside, nice and cool, not a cloud in the sky. I've opened all my blinds and I am LIVING!

HOORAY For...

Hooray for morning work outs because it makes me feel so good and sets a great tone for the rest of my day, even though it is hard!

Hooray for scrambled eggs and pico. It tastes so very good after my workout. Thanks Michelle!

Hooray for beautiful Fall days with cool nights and mornings and days where you don't want to melt when you walk outside.

Hooray for good music that makes you want to move your body. "I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it..." Love it!

Hooray for the fact that even though I am so overweight I am still healthy enough and able to move it move it.

Hooray for clean houses, something I experience only in my dreams. One day I will get there.

Hooray for smiles! A way even strangers can communicate.

Hooray for good friends that uplift and motivate us to LIVE better.

HOORAY! Hooray for life!

Just a side note...

I will be posting these throughout....Awesome songs to exercise to.   One of my favorite that needs to be on everyones little red machines....Bite my Tongue by Relient K.  It is not the lyrics, I love the guitar and the drums. It makes me want to run or jump or bike.  Goodbye!

I also choose to LIVE!

I have never blogged before. This is my first time so I hope I do it right. I also have a new motto, thanks to Christine, it is "I choose to live". S0, I also want to blog about each day how I have made a conscious choice to LIVE!! I believe, as Christine stated, we will live, but what am I doing to LIVE, to take care of my body through eating healthy and exercising and I must add enjoying WHAT is around me: my kids, my husband, the beautiful world around me, and experiences that make me stronger because I did something that was hard or I did not want to do.

I want to post for yesterday first and then today so this will be a long blog. I am trying to, once a week, have a day of exercise that pushes me, or is different from the other work-out days. People who are training for a marathon or half a marathon run a normal run 3 days a week and then have one day of pushing themselves. I figure I may never run a marathon or half marathon but I can have one day where I do something different that I can feel good when I look back and say, "Today I biked 20 miles or today I ran for 6 miles or today I hiked up Hole in the Rock." You get what I mean. Yesterday was my day I chose to push myself. I biked 20 miles out on the country roads of Indiana. It was especially hard because the wind was blowing hard, so to be honest, the exercise part was not really that fun because it was so HARD. I want to tell you though about how beautiful it was. It was, amidst the hardness, one of the most majestic beautiful things as I biked over the hills, out in the middle of nowhere, seeing the beautiful trees, farms, an old cemetary and old church. I had never seen any of it before and it is just miles from my house. The trees with their changing leaves and the newly harvested fields. It was so quiet and peaceful I had to just turn off the little red machine for a while and enjoy the sound of beauty and quiet and peace. It gave me an opportunity to reflect on really what a beautiful place God has created for us and how lucky we are. I WAS LIVING!!!

Today was hard for me. I got on the elliptical to exercise but my knees were really hurting(from the bike ride I am sure) but I tried to push through the pain even at a slower rate and made it 40 minutes! That is how I chose to live today. I might also add, that though this may seem like a joke, I am actually very serious, I am right now trying to get over my cookie addiction. I am an emotional eater and when I am tired or have circumstances out of my control I eat COOKIES for comfort(which seams to be a daily occurance). The problem is I don't eat just one, I eat MANY and it is not healthy nor does it help me fit in my clothes no matter how hard I work out!!! So today, I have been craving cookies all afternoon and I chose to drink a sugar free hot chocolate instead. That is a poor supplement but I am choosing to LIVE and so this is what I am doing today to CHOOSE TO LIVE. I am picturing Frog and Toad working on WILL POWER, trying hard not to do something you really want to do or not do, by putting the cookies in a box, with a string tied around it, up on a high shelf. I can see why Toad got so mad when he took it down and fed it to the birds, I would have gone home and baked a cake too. It is hard enough to not have it, let a lone waste it by giving it to the birds and taking away my agency by elliminating the temptation all together. I will not be giving my cookies to the birds, which I may regret later, but for today I will just try NOT to eat them or make them. Tomorrow I may have the courage to give them to the birds.

Christine's Friday Report #1

I weigh 348.5 and wear a size 28/30.

I am excited. I just finished my work out for today. Man, it's so hard and I just watch the minutes count down. I get so excited after only 12 minutes. I think YEA! I'm a quarter of the way there! Then 22 min. YEA! I'm half way there! My favorite is when I only have 10 or 5 minutes left. I think to myself. I can do anything for 5 or 10 minutes. Then when I'm done I just want to yell in the gym, YEAH!!!! Wahoo!!! right out loud, but I don't. I think that would be awkward. But this morning when I got in my car, after working out, I actually did! Yea for me! I finished!

It's a beautiful day today and I choose to LIVE!

My Plan

The first thing on my plan is to stop eating entirely. I figure I can live on my stored fat for years. Just kidding! I am NOT going to starve myself. I am going to cut out soda (that's going to be a big one since I have basically had a Dr. Pepper i.v. for months). I am going to work on portion control, and only eat when I am truly hungry. And I am going to leave treats as just that, a treat, not something that I have all the time, or a lot of.

Next I am going to work out 5 days a week for at least 45 minutes. I am three days into it and boy is it hard to get started. That is why for now I have chosen to walk on the treadmill because if I stop walking, then I will fall on my face. Thank goodness for my little red ipod and a good exercise play list.

The final thing on my plan for now is to weigh myself and be accountable for that once a week. I think I will choose Friday to be my weigh in day. I will report here on my progress.

My New Motto

I have a new motto which I choose to live by, and that is, "I choose to live!". I received this profound Revelation two days ago while I was walking on the treadmill for the first time in many many months. I was thinking about where my daily choices have gotten me, and for a million different reasons my choices have gotten me to a point in my life that I am severely obese and unhappy.

The big shocker came to me last Thursday when I was at a recent doctor's visit and had to get on the scale. 353 pounds!!! What did that just say!? I had gained over 20 pounds since my last visit in July, just three months ago. After getting over the shock, I was very depressed for days, then I decided I had a choice. I could either continue on the same path and have a very poor quality of life and eventually die from my poor choices or I can do something about it. This was Tuesday. That afternoon when the kids got home we headed to my gym, that I already had a membership to. And I bought a scale that I didn't exceed the weight limit, for further accountability.

The reason I chose the word 'live' over 'life' in my motto is that I don't just want to be alive. I am alive now, but far from healthy. I live with chronic pain from being so overweight. I want to really live, be healthy, happy and live life to the fullest. So I have this new motto. I have had to tell myself it many many times a day to remind me to make the kinds of choices that will get me to my goal of being healthy.

I don't have a set weight loss goal in mind yet. I think maybe I will start with 230. That is what I weighed when I got married. That is a huge loss of 123 pounds, a bit of an overwhelming task if I look at all that I have to loose so I will just take it one day at a time and remind myself constantly that I CHOOSE to LIVE, then act like I really do!